Coaching referral program: get referrals without begging

A coaching referral program is just a simple, repeatable way of getting happy clients and other professionals to send people your way. You ask at the right moment (straight after a client sees a result), you ask for one specific type of person, you give them a line they can forward, and you thank them properly. Then you add referral partners, people who meet your buyers before you do.

None of that needs begging. It needs a plan, so you're not making it up on the spot and feeling awkward every time.

Why asking for referrals feels like begging

Because of how it's usually done. You get to the end of a programme, you feel a bit awkward, and you say something like "oh, and if you know anyone who might benefit from coaching, I'd really appreciate it". The client says "of course", means it, and then forgets, because you haven't given them anything to do.

It's not your fault that it feels uncomfortable. You've been taught to coach, not to sell, and asking somebody to sell for you feels like a step further. But referrals are a big part of how coaches get clients. When we looked at how coaches get clients, it was clear that plenty of coaches fill their diary from people who already trust them, and their homepage barely comes into it.

How many coaching clients come from referrals overall? Nobody tracks this properly, and I'm not going to make up a number. What I can tell you is that a referral is proof that walks in the door. About two thirds of coaching websites show no proof at all, so a friend saying "she helped me, talk to her" is doing a job your website probably isn't.

Step 1: pick the moment to ask

Ask when your client has just told you something good. Not before.

So for example, a client starts a session with "I did the thing we talked about, and it worked". Or she sends a message saying she got the job, or slept through the night, or finally had the conversation with her ex without it turning into a row. That's the moment. She's happy, she's thinking about what's changed, and she's thinking about you.

The wrong moments are the first session (she doesn't know if you're any good yet), the invoice (it feels like you're asking for more after taking her money) and the very last session if it hasn't gone that well.

Write the moments down for your own work. For a career coach it might be when a client gets an interview. For a sleep coach it might be the first good week. Then when it happens, you'll recognise it and you won't have to think.

Step 2: what to say (written out)

Here's a made-up example. Dan is a career coach (he's made up) who helps people in their 40s move out of jobs they've outgrown. His client Helen has just told him she's got a second interview.

Here's what Dan says, more or less:

"That's brilliant, well done. Can I ask you something while we're on it? The people I help best are people like you were three months ago, stuck in a job they've outgrown and not sure what else they could do. If you ever hear a friend or colleague moaning about that, would you be happy to pass my name on? I'll send you a short message you can forward, so you don't have to explain what I do."

Notice what he's doing. He's describing one type of person, using the words that person would use ("stuck in a job they've outgrown"), and he's taking the work off Helen. He isn't asking her for names there and then, which puts people on the spot and feels like a sales trick.

If saying something like that feels too much, an email works too. Send it the same day, while the good news is fresh.

Step 3: give them a line they can forward

This is the step coaches skip, and it's the one that does the work. People are happy to refer you. They just don't know what to say, and they don't want to get it wrong.

So Dan sends Helen something like this:

"Thanks again for offering to pass my name on. If it helps, here's something you can forward or copy:

>

'I've been working with Dan Shaw, a career coach who helps people in their 40s work out what to do when they've outgrown their job. He helped me get unstuck. Here's his site if you want to have a look, and he does a free 20-minute chat to see if it's right for you: [link]'"

Short, specific, and it tells the friend what to do next. Helen can paste it into WhatsApp in ten seconds.

Then check where that link goes. If your friend's friend clicks through to a homepage that doesn't say what you do, you've lost a warm lead. We scored 10,954 live coaching websites and 86% failed the five-second test, meaning a stranger couldn't tell what the coach did or who for in about five seconds. A referral gets them there with goodwill, but they still need to recognise themselves on the page. If you want to know how yours reads, score it against the 10,954.

Step 4: thank them, or pay them?

Always thank them, whether or not the person they sent signs up. They did you a favour, and if you only say thank you when it turns into money, people notice.

A thank-you can be a handwritten card, a small gift, or a free session when they've finished working with you. Keep it modest, so it feels like a thank-you rather than a payment.

Paid referral fees are a different thing. Some coaches offer a percentage, or a fixed amount, for every client who signs up. That can work, especially with referral partners (more on them below), but think about a few things first.

• It changes the recommendation. A friend who's paid to send you people is a salesperson, and the person they refer may feel differently once they know.
• If somebody's paid to promote you and they talk about you publicly, the rules may say they have to tell people. In the US, the FTC's guidance on endorsements says a payment or reward for recommending something usually needs to be disclosed clearly.
• If you or your referral partner work in a regulated area, like law, financial advice or health, there may be strict rules about paying or receiving referral fees. Check with the relevant regulator or professional body before you offer one.

This isn't legal or financial advice. I don't know the rules in every country, so if you're going to pay people, check where you and they live.

Step 5: find referral partners who see your buyers first

This is where a referral program goes from "nice when it happens" to something you can rely on.

Your buyers usually talk to somebody else before they think about a coach. Think about who that is.

• A divorce coach's buyers have already spoken to a family solicitor or a mediator.
• A menopause coach's buyers might be seeing a personal trainer, or talking to HR about time off.
• A career coach's buyers are often talking to recruiters. I did recruitment cold calls years ago, and recruiters meet loads of people who don't fit the job they're hiring for but clearly need help with what's next.

Those people see your buyers every week. If they trust you, and they know exactly who you help, they'll pass people on, because it makes them look good to their own clients.

How do you approach them? Not with a LinkedIn message that drops in their name, location and job title scraped from their profile and pretends it's personal. I get those and it's ugly. My best clients have always come from taking people offline for a real conversation, and partners are no different.

So Dan might send a short, honest message to a recruiter he's seen post about career changes:

"Hi Sam, I'm a career coach working with people in their 40s who've outgrown their jobs. I suspect you meet quite a few of them who aren't right for the roles you're filling. Would you be up for a 20-minute call to swap notes? No sales pitch, I'd just like to understand who you see and whether we could help each other."

Then on the call, he listens more than he talks, finds out what the recruiter's clients struggle with, and only then explains who he helps. If it fits, he sends the same forwardable line he gave Helen, tweaked for Sam's clients.

What if nobody's referring you?

Then it's usually one of two things. Either you're not asking at the right moment, or your clients haven't had a result they can talk about yet.

If it's the second one, especially if you're just starting out, getting your first coaching client with no proof is the place to begin. And if you've been at it a while and still can't work out where the clients should come from, it might be worth talking to somebody, though check them first. How to check a business coach for coaches shows you what to look for.

Questions coaches ask about this

The figures here come from our own corpus of 10,954 scored coaching websites and 918 mapped coaching markets. How we built and scored it.

Read next

• How to get coaching clients, according to 10,954 websites
• The five second test 86% of coaching websites fail
• How to get your first life coaching client with no proof